We can see the movie already.

Private Lynch played by Jennifer Love Hewitt, in a camouflage demi bra.

Just imagine the screenplay. Navy SEAL commandos storm one of Saddam’s “rape rooms,” only to discover that Hewitt has escaped from her captors by using her fatigues to fashion a makeshift rope.

Not to demean the plight of a POWs, especially cute, 19-year-old female POWs, but save that BS for Hollywood. Keep it off the cable news networks, and off the front page of the newspapers.

Instead of interviewing Lynch’s three brain-dead friends back in Palestine, West Virginia, CNN’s Paula Zahn should have been asking what the hell a 19-year-old girl was doing on the battlefield.

War is bad enough for grown men. No matter what the bleeding hearts think, it is damn sure no place for a young woman.

We can all imagine the terrible things that wait in store for female POWs. Unfortunately, that poor thing from West Virginia, who left her hometown only once before shipping out to Iraq, had to endure them.

And after she was rescued, battered, broken, and all shot up, the media circus made a spectacle of her. And her family. And her kindergarten teacher. And the celebrations in her little home town.

We hear so little about the other two female POWs, Army Spc. Shoshana Johnson, 30, single mother of a two year old daughter, and Pfc. Lori Piestewa, a 22-year-old Hopi from the Navajo Reservation in Arizona. Will CNN make as big a deal out of their rescue, if and when it comes?

We’re guessing that 19-year-old white girls make for better ratings than 30-year-old black women and Native Americans.

If we believed that CNN, Paula Zahn, or any other talking heads really cared about Private Lynch, then maybe we could have stomached the marathon coverage of today’s rescue. They’re too busy turning this war into the equivalent of a half hour sitcom, commercial free.

That a cabal of civilian wannabe generals in the Pentagon has unnecessarily endangered the lives of brave soldiers like Private Lynch only made our nausea worse.

We’re just grateful that there are some folks in the U.S. military that did care enough to get the job done.

For Jessica’s sake, Saving Private Lynch is one movie that we can’t wait to miss.

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