Bush arrived in at Central Command’s domestic headquarters at the woefully insecure MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, FL. Word quickly spread that the president had “stuffed freedom toast” for breakfast.

It just won’t go away. Americans are still blaming the French for the inevitable failure of “diplomatic” efforts in the United Nations. A hamstrung Secretary of State who reports to an inept president who reports to his dangerously idealistic cabinet probably has more to do with failing to have a coalition of the able.

Whatever it was, rest assured that it wasn’t America’s fault. It was the French. Damn the French. Bunch of cheese eating surrender monkeys.

Perhaps the most aggravating side-effect of this unnecessary hatred toward the French is that the glaring displays of ignorance, such as “Freedom Fries” continue. It was started by OH Republican Bob Ney when he changed the lunchroom menu. One might argue that he had more important things to do. That one person would be wrong.

How anyone can possibly blame the French for “French Fries” and expect them to get upset about substituting “French” with “Freedom” is beyond me. I can easily imagine widespread relief in France because Americans decided to stop giving credit where it isn’t due. No imagination is required for the world to laugh at the idiotic substitute chosen by our dumbest 10%:


Freedom fries. Freedom toast. Freedom kissing and, if you just don’t get it, NBA legend Larry Bird is from Freedom Lick, Indiana.

If only we could be a bit more creative as a nation and not do this transparent, immature and simple-minded tactic to our newfound hatred of allegedly French culture then the world might respect us. Insidious creativity is certainly deserving of total respect.

It’s not a bidet, it’s a “thingy that chicks use to rinse out their… you know.”

It’s not a resumé, it’s a “job history list type of deal.”

It’s not a croissant, it’s “boomerang bread”… yeah, that’s right. The Aussies rule, the French drool. Australia knows how to do breakfast.

Now we know the true purpose of the French, Russian and Chinese veto threats. They really wanted to get rid of any American terms associated with them. The first one to threaten a veto would win. Second place would be the first loser.

France won.

France no longer needs to deal with any American terms involving the word “French” and tourists will stop asking questions about French fries, French toast, French kissing and French braids.

The Russians, however, must still deal with being perceived as strange unhygienic characters that take Russian Baths and call it a valid excuse for not bathing with actual water. After taking their Russian Bath, they show their comrades how mafiosi they are by playing Russian Roulette out of sheer boredom.

The Chinese, for their part, have a million phrases involving the word “Chinese” that they would like to see go away. Among them, Chinese National anthem—something that American B-52s played in Yugoslavia on top of their embassy. Then there’s Chinese fire drill, Chinese finger toy, Chinese star and Chinese Coke. “Chinese” might as well be a Latin prefix for “you’re getting screwed.” Needless to say, the Chinese are upset about not opposing US action first.

I’d have to say that it’s definitely Chinese diplomacy. Or maybe the Chinese simply don’t want us turning their embassy in Iraq into a giant crater.

There’s always a possibility that everyone on the UN Security Council was right and the US is wrong about fighting in Iraq. Possible. But not plausible. That’s because the US is always right about everything.

It’s easy to calculate the moral value of US action on any given matter. Basically, if you think the US is right, then you’re right. If you think that the US is wrong, then you’re wrong.

How hard was that? The stinking French just don’t get it and they should lose any legal protection to anything with the word “French” in it. If we don’t make an example out of France, there will be bedlam and Target will sell out of compact fluorescent twisty bulbs.

Show your patriotism and stick it to the pompous ass Eurocommies. Go to Lenny’s and order a pile of Freedom Toast.

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