Everybody’s drinking it. If you find a descendant of a Cuban exile still living in Miami, that person will either have a damn good reason for staying (i.e., money) or is living a delusion of promises from their papa about waterfront property in the paradise 90 miles south of Key West. Everybody else dropped the accent, moved to suburbia, stocked up on a wardrobe from The Gap, made sure the kids became Americans, sent them to college anywhere outside Dade County, threw the occasional barbecue and generally got away from “Cuban Culture.”

Cuba is politically, militarily and economically insignificant. Miami has a far worse status.

The Kool-Aid drinkers were en force last week as Castro temporarily transferred power to his brother while incapacitated from intestinal surgery. Completely missing the word “temporary” and ignoring Castro’s perfect track record of making Miami Cubans look like the most moronic specimens of humanity ever produced, they waved flags, blocked traffic and pridefully displayed an upcoming third generation of brainwashed clones.

The Reeky Ritardo, Jrs of the celebrations are particularly amusing. Photo captions are too charitable. They should read: “Juan Valdez, 32, waves the Cuban flag while fat, sweaty and wearing capitalist pig Tommy Hilfiger department store crap. He inexplicably cares about his father’s fantasy of Cuba. He is emblematic of how Castro remains in power.”

Castro is brilliant. He won his wars against the Miami Cubans long ago. He controls the island through action and Miami through reaction. Castro deals with the Cuban people. The Miami Cubans rage against Castro. Castro is leaving behind a system and legacy that the island can use to govern themselves. The Miami Cubans are leaving behind a rage that nobody cares about. Castro will eventually die as a happy dictator. The Miami Cubans will die angry that they couldn’t be Castro.

That’s what it boils down to—Castro won the island’s dictator lottery. The exiles had over four decades market their fight as a fight for the hearts and minds of the Cuban people and they never did it. Not once. The exiles created the conditions under Batista that produced Castro. They put everyone in a hyper-capitalist meat grinder of virtual servitude to the American Mafia, period. There’s no more succinct way to describe the Batista regime. Those are the times they want to go back to. Some were so idiotic and short-sighted as to send spittle into camera lenses with conspiracy theories of Castro’s death and their plans to go back.

To paraphrase Twain, rumors of Castro’s death are greatly exaggerated. He’s 80 and only the good die young. He’ll be around at least 40 more years. As to going back, send them all back. A legendary “Miami Boatlift” to the northern shores of Cuba is exactly what Florida needs. They want it, the country wants it, I want it. The Reeky Ritardo Kool-Aid drinkers of America need to get out.

Am I a hopeless peanut butter cracker? A veritable Uncle Tomas? A… [gasp]… bigot?

Let’s talk about bigotry. There are 3 million white bourgeois Americans in Miami that want to go to an island of 11 million black proletariat Cubans. These 3 million white bourgeois Americans believe that they are going to march down to Havana to take back all their property currently occupied by 11 million black proletariat Cubans. These 3 million white bourgeois Americans in Miami believe that they are going to raid the Cuban treasury currently managed by representatives of 11 million black proletariat Cubans.

Why would 11 million black proletariat Cubans give 3 million white bourgeois Americans anything?

Those 11 million black Cubans aren’t stupid. Cuba belongs to them now and long after Castro dies. Those Cubans are all too aware of the racism that existed under Batista. The game is over. Miami lost. Miami Cubans need to get off the Kool-Aid and find something more realistic to put in the void of their hearts and minds.

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