When taken as part of a complete breakfast (scorpion, noodles & freeze-dried cat), Tang gives you the energy to do anything that the Three Represents approves of.

If you are lucky enough to be China’s first astronaut, 38 years old Yang Liwei, then your complete breakfast will put you in orbit for 21 hours. No breakfast is complete without a fortune cookie and Mr. Yang’s breakfast is no different. According to Xinhuanet, Yang’s fortune this morning read simply, “you will spin around some dumb rock. Your lucky numbers are 5-15-21-32-49-18.”


Truly inspirational stuff. The people of China rejoice with the smiles of billions. Yang and Tang–a winning combination!


Did you believe anything above? Hopefully not.


For the last few days, the Chinese government has run their pre-launch propaganda machine at breakneck speed. They allegedly launched into orbit a few hours ago. Unfortunately, they provided no launch time except to say the launch occurred on Wednesday at 9 a.m. in the Gobi Desert. There was no live lunch footage. No independent media members will view the vehicle recovery.


To wrap all this nonsense in a nice box with a pretty red bow, the Chinese are claiming to have put a man in orbit using 40 year old technology and no proof of lunch or return. Basically, somebody set up us the bomb and put out us of our happiness.


While the US may have faked the moon landings, they did an exceptional job of it. More than 30 years passed before people started questioning the veracity of our ambitions project. For China, 20 minutes didn’t pass before people started questioning it.


On the chance that Chinese government officials are telling the truth, then that’s great. It does not, however, amount to a new space race. The US owns everything above the ground and it’s going to take an interplanetary invasion to change that fact. If China is orbiting earth then it’s because they’ve been given permission to do so without getting shot down.

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