As soon as the clock went to zero, drunk idiots in red and gold were out in force to celebrate “their” victory in the NFC Championships. For international readers, the NFC/AFC championships are the final step before the Superbowl.

Cyberista Central Command is located in Tampa, FL, not too far from US Special Forces command and possibly several Al Qaeda sleeper cells. Tampa is a happening place. With the Buccaneers and the Oakland Raiders in the big game, Cyberista has a front row seat to half of all the hype that will be generated this week.

Not since the 9/11/2001 New York terrorist attack has the Tampa media shut down the airwaves to focus on a single issue—how fabulous the Tampa Bay fans are and how cool it will be when they bring home the Lombardi Trophy.

It will indeed be cool because everyone will get health care, job security and the necessities of life (food, water, shelter) will be clean and guaranteed as a right of all Tampa residents. Boot production will rise at least 15%.

Feel the sarcasm. Smell the sarcasm. Be the sarcasm.

Very few of these fat, beer-guzzling, cheeto-munching goons know how to spell “football.” Fewer know that “soccer” is a singularly American term. The men, dear readers, are worse. Given the footage of fans lined up and completely stopping traffic on the most heavily traveled road in the city, Dale Mabry Highway, you’d believe that everyone in Tampa is celebrating this glorious blessing.

Traffic sucks on normal days. Traffic sucks every day. If you aren’t on the move, some pothole decides to execute its nefarious plans to steal your tires at 50mph. The Buccaneers and their adored fans had no right whatsoever to stop people from getting on with their lives. Traffic crawled even after the half dozen buses of Buccaneers personnel left the building en route to the Tampa “International”(as in House of Pancakes) Airport. Fans lined up wherever they could go to catch a glimpse of a football team that most people were only vaguely familiar with for 27 years until some “danged Jew” bought it and poured millions of dollars on the team.

Let San Diego have the petty criminals, drug dealers and prostitutes… for a week anyway. Then Tampa will be glad to have them back.

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