Boot production is up 15%.

This is one of many famous lines from George Orwell’s classic political novel 1984. Interested organizations actively developed propaganda and social vices, such as pornography, to keep people in check. Language is altered to reinforce the system. Individuals are socialized to be hostile to one another to prevent political organization. There’s even a global terrorist organization with a nefarious mastermind that is out to destroy society. Television provides the cement.

But these ideas are so ridiculous that I’m not going to bother with describing this utter dreck anymore. Back to real life…

Our enemies are on the run. Because of this, we have the confidence to go about our daily lives. We have the confidence to quell fear. We have the confidence to clear the fog of uncertainty. We have the confidence to cast a warm light to dissolve doubt.

We have the confidence to nullify the nebulous forces of the agents of terror that seek to destroy us. We have consumer confidence.

The Conference Board tells us that consumer confidence is at 83.8 for May 2003. This is the highest level since it reached 84 in November 2002. Analysts expected 84. They are sorely disappointed.

When The Conference Board quotes a figure, you can bet your child’s life that it is an indisputable fact. Through the effective use of an ignorant and complicitous media, The Conference Board creates and disseminates the propaganda necessary to thoroughly confuse people and discourage them from trying to understand reality.

As an independent and global organization working in the public interest, The Conference Board conducts research, makes forecasts, subsidizes the crystal ball industry and is the single biggest employer of gypsies in North America. They sponsor organized and peaceful train surfing events in the Balkans for disadvantaged youth on an annual basis.

This, of course, is just an opinion.

Now that we know a bit more about this elusive organization called The Conference Board, let’s review their Consumer Confidence Survey numbers that give us the magical number of 83.8.

The Consumer Confidence Survey is a representative sample of 5000 households. It is conducted by NFO WorldGroup.

Among the results:

Consumers’ assessment of current conditions was less favorable than last month. Those rating present business conditions as “bad” rose to 28.4 percent from 23.9 percent. Those rating conditions as “good” remained virtually unchanged at 16.1 percent. Labor market conditions also deteriorated. Consumers reporting jobs are hard to get jumped to 32.6 percent from 29.4 percent. Those claiming jobs are plentiful slipped to 12.6 percent from 13.0 percent.

Nice, isn’t it?

28.4% of those surveyed think that business conditions are bad but only 16.1% think the conditions are good. Does the remaining 55.5% not give a flying fsck either way? On the question of labor conditions, 32.6% of respondents think that jobs are hard to get. 12.6% believe that jobs are plentiful. 54.8% must be, without a doubt, busy making money off of porn and pot.

An incredible 99.9% of people that read these statistics are brain-dead. No questions. No objections. Just a bunch of idiotic automatons with the intellectual capacity to select Doritos over Cheetos combined with enough awareness to keep from putting them in a bowl and adding milk.

The media quotes The Conference Board statistics like they are Scripture. The economy has been complete crap since executives decided that they have no responsibilities to society or the currency that they depend on to calculate profit. That timeframe is approximately 30 years. When the labor department stops counting individuals unemployed longer than the arbitrary number of 90 days, you can safely assume that true unemployment is in the 25% to 35% range.

Unless groups like this one decide to start delivering the straight dope on their numbers, then they should be declared an official part of the problem. Massaging numbers is what people with the ethical standards of Enron like to do. If everyone from Enron to The Conference Board has a problem with speaking the truth, then nobody should cooperate with the economy as far as they can handle it.

Nevertheless, that is unlikely to happen. As noble soldiers in the War on Terror, consumers will buy stuff because buying stuff means confidence and confidence symbolizes authority and power. In fact, one of the hottest selling items around is called the “Fascetron.” A Fascetron is a bunch of rods bundled together. When touched, they make patriotic utterances and bold declarations of power. They are available in red, white and blue.

Despite their modern futuristic name, Fascetrons have been used since the days of the Roman Empire. Originally termed “fasces”, they were carried before Roman magistrates by illegal immigrants.

Go to the mall and ask your Sharper Image representative about how you can buy one. Illegal immigrants not included.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


four × = 4

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>